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I am here on LJ everyday but only to view and comment on my friends' and my communities' posts.
I post blog entries in my wordpress blog.
Thank you and let's all spread the love.

Oy, mobile blogging.

I have not updated my LJ in months but I am here everyday to check my friends' updates. I just discovered I can update my blog through my mobile phone so here I am.

I am bored and sleepy. I feel very lousy too because Little Red Riding Hood is just around the next alley. TMI, yes? Anyway, I am attempting to read books I brought today at this very noisy coffee shop. I feel like napping though.

So, what did I bring with me? I got Miguel Syjuco's Ilustrado which I bought 2 months ago but can't find the energy to finish. I also have The Color of Magic, the first in the legendary Discworld series of Terry Pratchett. I read this a few years back but I forgot what it was all about so I picked it up again. One major reason for this is a promise by my very good friend Sharon that she will give me all her Discworld books when they leave for another duty post soon. She has the complete series and more!!! I am very excited by this but I also dread the day when she hands over the books because it means they're really leaving! :(

When I get home, I'll try to look for a video of the USA-England soccer game I missed this morning. We got one more day of break tomorrow in honor of the 112th Independence Day Celebration of the Philippines.

That's it for now. My Mom just arrived with half a dozen donuts she wants me to have for merienda. And I'm wondering why she still can't fathom why I'm gaining weight. Hmm.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

One of the things that occupy me right now is reading webcomics. I know, I know, I should buy real comics. Except that I do not like comics that much, unlike my regard for books (I even expressed my non-preference for a Kindle, remember?). As most comic books are expensive, the accessibility of webcomics appealed to me.

Of the different webcomics out there, from wholesome to NSFWs, from dark to shallow and humorous, from tri-weekly serials to completed web editions, here are the top webcomics that I enjoy. Click on the image to go the websites, I’m too lazy to explain the synopsis of each. Sorry!

(^This was introduced to me by my friend and officemate Sharon. We both have trilobite pins now…parang yung pendant ni Agatha Clay, the Girl Genius. Get the link by mousing over the image; it will lead you to the very first webcomic strip in the series.)

(^They’re shallow and funny. Basta makukulit silang mga ninja na minsan may pagka-stupid yung iba. At the bottom of the website link, you will find the NEXT button, just in case you want to follow their (mis)adventures.)

(This was before McDreamy and McSteamy, hahaha! Hindi din naman sya katulad ni House. Pero mysterious sya so I like him. Eh ninja pa!)

(Like the Ninja Burger crew, they can be silly and makulit. Minsan nerdy terms but nakakarelate naman ako.)


There are more out there. Google your heart out if you want to find them. Hayyyyy, doing this made me wish it’s September already so I can have my weekly dose of The Big Bang Theory.  Right now, I’m only into Warehouse 13 and Being Human (which, by the way, I believe you should try as well). I did dabble into Torchwood: Children of Earth, too but it’s too much mindf*ckery! It’s good though.

Okay, I heard you. I'm stopping now. :)

temporarily scifi'd :)


Here’s a new show I instantly liked. Warehouse 13 premiered on the SyFy (previously SciFi) Channel three weeks ago.  Thanks to BitTorrent sites, I’m able to follow the episodes. I know it will be a while until the local SciFi picks it up. Here’s the official trailer of the show:

I very rarely venture into science fiction, even in books.  I liked this show because it is not as hardcore as I thought scifi shows would be. I did watch The X-Files but it was a long time ago and I didn’t sustain my interest.  Years after that, as you might have noticed, I dabbled into medical and crime procedurals, situational comedies, with family dramas on the side.

Warehouse 13 is light, very non-stressful but still interesting and to an extent, mysterious.  The characters are, for me, easily likable and more importantly, five episodes into the series, you’d see they all have issues. You know how much I fancy characters with issues. Hahaha!

I will follow this show until it either gets picked up for future seasons or gets dropped from the SyFy lineup. Or maybe until they start sucking which I hope won’t happen soon.

In the meantime, I will enjoy Pete, Myka, Artie and his gadgets, and the artifacts housed in Warehouse 13.  Now, I could never want a steampunk keyboard more. Maka-request nga sa supply office now that the fiscal year’s wish list is being drawn up. ;)

*     *     *

Since I discovered the SciFi Channel, I became interested in many of their shows. However, the local channel here (33 in Sky Cable, 31 in Destiny Cable) does not show the ones currently shown in the US so I did what most neophyte geeky girls do: download from Torrent sites. :)

I am catching up with Eureka. I am about to watch Sanctuary upon a friend’s suggestion. 

They’re not SyFy shows but I will also try the first episode of Torchwood: Children of Earth (without having seen ANY Doctor Who episode where it was spun off from) and continue Dollhouse. If you recall, I watched the pilot of Dollhouse but I didn’t find it good enough.  A friend suggested to give the second episode a try and maybe I’ll change my mind. So sige, I will.

I do not know if I can keep this up come September when my network shows (so my talaga, LOL) return.  Currently, House, Desperate Housewives and The Big Bang Theory lang naman.  After this fascination, I might give most cable shows a try. After all, they’re the ones railroading the awards and ratings game. Apart from the leeway to show sex scenes and let cuss words fly in every dialogue, I’ll see what really sets them apart.

*     *     *

Ah, this is a part of me I will not give up, ever. :)

Friday and the CAPS LOCK anomaly

I’m sure I’m like most metro dwellers who woke up at 5 am, expected to go to work. It’s easier to sleep longer but responsibility tugged harder. If not for my two VERY IMPORTANT MEETINGS, I was very tempted to stay at home. Anyway, I didn’t, went to the office, ate taho and drank irish nut latte because I WAS VERY SLEEPY AROUND 10 AM, BIGTIME.

My two important meetings were with the group I recently became part of. I successfully goaded my colleagues into putting me in there. LOL. I was tasked to do what is potentially the most exhausting role in the group. And it will be for TWO YEARS. It’s very daunting, slightly frightening even but hey, I’m just going to look at it positively.  I was looking for ways to keep me stimulated and I may not get it thru the form I wanted, this stint is STILL a good way to do it. I may need to brush up MORE on my organizational and speaking skills because real important issues are involved. Happy to finally be friends with colleagues from other agencies, too.

The rest of my day was great, and why wouldn’t it be, we were dismissed early! I planned to go home and sleep but since I was too easy, I wasn’t able to resist Rach and Raft3r when they agreed by themselves to drop us off in Greenbelt. LOL. KFC’S FAMOUS BOWL= WIN.


While I was out...

I feel like I was knocked out of this world for weeks.  Turned out it was only two agonizing days.  I did not have H1N1, contrary to rumors, and I will not even dignify it by a clarification.  All I know is I’m happy to be back.  I have not changed, unfortunately for my “success and determination gene” that was in action via my brain as I was waiting for my high fever to go away completely.

I’ve had time to think of a lot of things, including where I am now and what I plan to do with this “now”. Eh, when you’re cured, it’s very seldom that you totally change your outlook especially when your normally screwed up self has been happy with little moments.

I felt a little bad missing work since I have been riled up since Monday because of this momentum whose origin I cannot place. I wish it would still be there when I return on Monday. :) I missed this month’s Game Night, too. :( So, what has occupied me in the last 48 or so hours? Here are some of them.  Note that half of the time, I was feverish:

  1. Before death snatches me away, I wish to read my almost-a-thousand books I laboriously (!!!) hoarded since I started receiving a paycheck. 
  2. The reason my unread book pile was only gradually decreasing was my habit of starting a book and not finishing it.  I once told myself reading should not be something I am forced to do just because someone has read this book or that graphic novel already. It does not mean I will not return to those I started reading, I just need to regain the interest to go back and finish it. 
  3. The reason above is also why my extensive bookmark collection does not look close to “extensive”. Well, they are serving their purpose, hopefully they’re happy inserted in between pages of lots of my books.
  4. Jai Ho. My mother discovered she likes Jai Ho. Only now.
  5. The West Wing.  When you are losing confidence in the quality of network television shows, watch any season of this show and it will restore your faith.  It’s compelling, stimulating, just awesome.
  6. Only four people have sent me text messages in two days.  One of them was a reply from my boss acknowledging my request for days off.  The other three were from my office friends asking for updates about my condition.  One even inserted seeing man/boy in the lobby; I wasn’t surprised, she’s always been his biggest fan and I didn’t want to burst her bubble by saying something back, so I didn’t. Hahaha.
  7. No, I wasn’t disappointed that I only got few text messages.  I was happy with what I got and besides, had it been too plenty, I doubt if I would respond to all. Hehe. Remember my twisted reaction to attention?
  8. I developed a girl-crush on Kim Kardashian.
  9. I should not be but the freak that I am is bothered by the person whom Lisa Edelstein is dating.
  10. I tweeted about it and I’m going to repeat, when I forget why I get lusty over John Mayer, I just watch something like this, and it all comes back to me. Douchebag, douchebag, yeah yeah yeah, but I really really like him.
  11. My geeky phase is not going anywhere.  Half the time I was in sickbay, I kept on thinking how much I was missing: my LJ friends, Twitter, FP updates (yes, yes), and Salon updates. No, no Facebook.
  12. Abbey Bartlet, the fictional First Lady. I once said how I like watching people like them.  I am not hotwired to be a kind of “Super Woman” but I am always in awe of their kind. Maybe it’s the way the character was written, or it’s Stockard Channing, but I’ve not seen dead-pan so loving and composed.  If I can only be half as great as women like those fictional ones, I would be happy.  Here’s one of plenty calm and composed Abbey Bartlet scenes I love:

ABBEY [to Josh, then running the campaign team]: You can say it, you know. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.
JOSH: Your husband’s a real son of a bitch, Mrs. Bartlet.
ABBEY: He doesn’t like being handled.
JOSH: Well, I think that if he looked around, he’d see that nobody’s handling him.
ABBEY: He’s not ready yet, Josh. He’s terrified (of being nominated to the Democrat primary).
JOSH: Well, is he going to be ready?
ABBEY: (smiles) You bet your ass he will. In the meantime, you want to kick something, kick me.

There.  Two signs I’m really feeling okay now: I’m still up at 2:45 in the morning and I blogged with almost 800 words. If they still don’t tell you I’m back, tell me what will. :)

This is so random, you can eat it.

When traffic gets strange along Quirino Avenue in the morning, either a politician is passing through or there’s a traffic enforcer in Quirino cor. Taft. Lately, it was because of the latter.

I very rarely ask for a sign when I want an answer to something but regarding my latest life plan, I just did. Do I still need to learn the nitty-gritty details of The Secret?

The Booksale branch in Mall of Asia is so organized. The branch in Pedro Gil has great book selections…or it doesn’t get frequented to so the good stuff are left unsold. I have never seen any David Baldacci book in any Booksale branch.

I am truly Pinoy in that I am very tone deaf but trust me to hog the mic during a videoke session. I don’t even have to be drunk. When I am drunk, I sound better. Just like the way I talk in straight English when I’m wasted, most of the time still making sense, if not more sensible than when I’m sober.

I still feel uncomfortable when told I delivered a job well-done. I am struggling to believe the fact that people will not waste time saying it if they did not mean it.

I want to go to an island and rest.

x-posted in my wordpress.

Mortality at Forty

What’s with all the heightened fuss on turning 40 among all other years in a person’s life?

I know many people who view forty as a new beginning, something to look forward to, a stage of liberation. I share the same sentiment.

Anyway, I mentioned it because my favorite Hugh Laurie once made a pact with his friends to kill themselves when they reach 40.  It didn’t happen of course and he in fact recently inched to being 50 years old last week!

One friend used to say he would die when he’s forty until he (metaphorically) hit his head on a pavement and changed in a creepy, ‘It’s like I don’t even know you anymore (in a hallucination Amber Volakis voice)‘ way.

Then last Sunday, I was reading Notes From The Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky and the unknown protagonist mused, “I am forty years old now, and you know forty years is a whole lifetime; you know it is extreme old age. To live longer than forty years is bad manners, is vulgar, immoral. Who does live beyond forty? Answer that, sincerely and honestly I will tell you who do: fools and worthless fellows.”

I still don’t know what’s with forty.  Nevertheless I am not cynical about it.  I still get scandalized by how fast time flies but turning forty doesn’t make me think of gloomy things.  If my fantasy blueprint would come to life, when I hit 40, I would be practicing law, my husband and I are still crazy about each other, our first-born is 8 years old, his sister is 4 and our youngest boy just turned a year old. What’s not to like?

day 1 down

I had to scrimp a little this year so because of the uncool points they garnered from what they did to me, I decided to let go of my Vanity Fair subscription for this cycle. The magazine is one of my guilty pleasures so a tiny part of me (begs the question, is there a tiny part of me? LOL) did not want the unsubscription; I thought of very interesting personalities and features gracing the issues I would miss. Then I found out that the very first issue I’ll miss will have Jessica Simpson on the cover. Hah. It’s the universe’s way of telling me, “Honey, you will never miss much!”

♦  ◊  ♦

I am still singing to Tamia’s ALMOST. My drama queen phase is not over yet (and it will never die, hahaha). I’m not thinking of myself and possibly man/boy anymore, no. House and Cuddy maybe. The angst-less kind, the type who cringe at a Huddy ever after. With great pain comes great satisfaction. Hm, that’s a good motto.

◊  ♦  ◊

I still have SIX days of vacation.  I am grateful for the opportunity to rest but I also want to achieve, to finish something out of it.

I am too stoked waiting for the season 5 finale episode of House that I indulged my sleep-deprived brain with something a bit close to my full-sized aortic pump (thanks, Francis Joseph Tribbiani). Still angsty, yes. How long have you guys known me? :)
- - -
Part of my "emotional purging" is giving myself reasonable allowances until such time when I can say I'm fully, finally over something. In the process of doing this, I discover things that still sting even though they should not anymore. I do not and will never contest these things simply because they hurt.

In general, you love and accept someone for who they are, and even though you see, crystal clear, that there are opportunities for positive changes, you still hang on to what and who that person is, because you love "even if" not "because". What hurts is when you see that the person has changed, and in fact capable of changing for the better...not for you, not because of you.
I know how it feels. I struggled to find things I did wrong, steps I didn't do at all, chances I missed. I could list a thousand reasons and more but I will not find the one I'm looking for, that certain something to explain what happened, perhaps when I was not looking.

What hurts more is knowing that the change was a decision made by the person you care about, by own volition. Like, with all the buildup of what the person supposedly is, was, after all the fascination with the perceived complicated psyche, you wake up one day with things not exactly the same; someone, something settled. You begin to ask your "Whatever happened to...?" questions with full awareness that any form of answer will hurt you just the same.

Still part of wallowing is letting it hurt. It works for me, at least. I hope. I don't know if I have yet to reach that absolute threshold of pain because I still find myself hurting in small amounts, sometimes in moments I thought I was already capable of handling. See, I cannot will myself to let it go in a day or two. It really is a process that perhaps, I realized, the universe wants to play with me, so it is taking an excruciatingly long crawl out of the woods.

To keep myself from tumbling down, I condition myself that there is nothing wrong with me (even though it sounds snooty, I do believe there really is nothing wrong with me in all this)...I was just not it. I simply did not fit. It's not wrong, in the same vein that it's no one's fault. It happens, and whatever it is, was, that I wished for myself, it simply did not happen to me. A silver lining in all this is that it will still happen to me, maybe not soon, but it will, and that's something to look forward to.

However, while waiting for it, I cannot say that I will stop hurting entirely. I allow myself to feel hurt if it means exhausting every bit of it out of my system. What I am only concerned about is the extent by which I could be gouging guilt out of people since I was once rammed with the "extent of the effect" of what I supposedly did. Anyway, as always been my stand, it's in the attitude; everyone has a choice to react or not to react. Plus as what has been gently shoved in my face time and again, not everything is about me, so I'm expecting people to think that not everything is about them either.

I also pray for all the feelings related to it, all kinds and variations, to disappear. That they will be replaced with sincere happiness and support for the person you may not care about in a certain way, but will always love in another manner, the one which lasts longer.

Indeed, if the sentence "I can love you like that and more" can be very liberating, if the word "no" is painful, "sorry" can be overdone, you can imagine how harrowing it is to deal with "if only" and "almost".

Don't you just love emotional calisthenics?


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