When a particular tune catches my attention, I usually listen to it over and over and over until I grow tired of it. This is an example of that.  I’ve listened to this song, Almost (by Tamia), in 2007 pa but I only took this kind of liking today, when I woke up. Of course I know why but even without the reason, the song is beautiful as it is.

Buy the album    *    Lyrics

Busy with real life, my love!

I am happy that I learned how to lower my expectations. Now, I am not expecting too much from everything, everyone, even from myself. I’ve done it for most of my adult life and looking back, I reached what I did and got what I have with my (skewed) expectations not necessarily playing a huge part. I couldn’t live without it, but a modified, more humane version of it would do.

I am enjoying bits and pieces of my life now. One thing though— I used to say something because I want to [and I mean it], but not necessarily to hear it back [so I didn't hear it back]. Funny now that  I am hearing it back. LOL. No complaints, though. I’m loving it but I’m taking it one day at a time. And I have no expectations at all anymore. I could even move on to the next one because I’ve been swimming in that water for too long and face it, it’s not gonna get cleaner than what it used to be. I’ve waded through it and messed with it and what have you. Rather than replace the water, might as well move to a new, better pool. Eh, that’s a long shot. I still suck at metaphors.

Here’s to making each moment count. I have other garbled Watchmen quotes in my head, but I can only remember one from Rorschach (whom I like among all of them): Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Pretty hard to do especially since my interest has leaned towards diplomacy and international affairs, but in living my life as a whole, I’d like to do that. However, only in the context of not settling for various shades of grey. Sometimes, I’m too safe, it exactly is the deterrent to making me happy.

Actually, I started feeling like this when I began hauling my huge ass out of the house whenever I can, which translated to getting over brooding and sulking everyday. I’ve neglected House and my cyberfriends (and my cyberstalking, hahaha) but I got more things in return. So yeah, it’s pretty cool outside.

Because of my House phase, I temporarily forgot that this video used to be one of my favorites in youtube.  I even have an audio file of it and it’s proudly included in my playlist before Sophie’s initial crash (and now she’s dead, in case you didn’t catch my Facebook status a week ago, sniff sniff). Anyway, if you followed the boys and girls of The West Wing, you’ll like this as well. I admit I appreciated Bradley Whitford only when I became hooked on Studio 60, even though I kind of followed The West Wing before (because my favorite then was C.J. Cregg, played Allison Janney, who was the Press Secretary).  I love the dynamic of the cast and I’m starting to grow another stem of fan affection for the witty and brazen First Lady Abigail Bartlet, played by Stockard Channing.

Oh anyway, here’s Bradley Whitford’s 2001 Emmy speech when he won Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman: 

In a related matter, here’s a very recent interview of Bradley Whitford about his TWW role being patterned after Rahm Emanuel, when he was still advisor to the Clinton presidency. Now, of course, you know that Rahm  is Chief of Staff to President Obama. And that his brother Ari, a Hollywood agent, is where the character of Ari Gold in Entourage was patterned from. But that would be too much information for now.

I watched Bride Wars with LC today. My first movie for 2009! I was scheduled to catch ‘Benjamin Button’ (why are Brad’s movie titles so long? Remember that one with Assassination?) but Rach had an urgent errand so we postponed that [Spinsters Inc.] movie date to next week.

I’m not much fond of Kate Hudson nor Anne Hathaway but both of them were cute in the movie. Yeah, cute. The movie was cute, too. I cannot think of other words because watching it did not require much thinking anyway but it’s still entertaining. I like the songs used in the movie! Will look for its soundtrack soon. My favorite of all is Happy by Natasha Bedingfield. It’s amusing to have heard a song and you don’t appreciate it much until it’s used in a movie. I love it so much I think it’s going to be my birthday song.

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends, got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

Oh yeah, birthday vibes coming in and they couldn’t be more fantastic.

I wrote something in my journal a while ago with these feelings hovering in my head, and mushy as it may seem, I actually cried a little bit. They’re the happy kind of tears though. I guess it’s the cotton-fluffy feelings brought by the weather and my guiding moons and stars aligning perfectly at this time of year.

——

When I got home, I was glad to catch up on the second half of the Missouri leg of American Idol auditions. Confirmed! I officially like Kara Dioguardi!

——

You do not alter Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera!
- wedding gown shop sales assistant, commenting on the risk of gaining weight between buying a Vera Wang wedding dress and the actual wedding day

The International Butter Club? You mean you’ve actually been sitting around eating sticks of butter?
- Daniel to Liv, asking about the baskets of goodies she thought he has been sending her to be thoughtful

These two lines, along with Marion St. Claire’s lines at the end which I failed to remember completely, were reasons enough to like Bride Wars. I give it 6/10.

——

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends, got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be HAPPY?
 

I just had to repeat that because it made more sense now.

I once wrote, I always have this fear that I will never measure up to anyone and it will be the reason why I will be left behind…(T)hat’s why I eagerly try to be this best person I thought he would like…losing a large chunk of who I really am in the process. I wrote it in particular reference to how I deal with men but I realized, I have been doing it in many of my relationships, with many different people, for a damn long time. So not healthy, right? I will change courses this year.  Anyway, much more of this is in my journal, I simply can’t help but share a sliver of my thoughts because I’m feeling good about almost everything now. Birthday vibes, positive aura, name it, I probably got it. I hope it stays for good. Three days to go!!!

Today’s slow and calm and very comforting because many things.
→ Amos Lee. I listened to all three of his albums in almost three hours and that was some time well spent. After lunch, I went back to his first album and I digested everything, each and every line. Compared to his next two, Supply & Demand and Last Days At The Lodge, tracks in his first album were slower and more folksy. A very suitable windy Saturday companion.

I took the title of this blog entry from the words of one of the tracks, Bottom of the Barrel.

I also texted my friends because when I heard All My Friends, I had to laugh at how spot-on it was - or not. We’ll see, we will only update ourselves of goings-on ,in the flesh, on the day of my birthday. =) A few lines in the song went like this:

All my friends / Got broken wings /Never will you hear them asking why / The cage bird sings
All my friends / They know how to live / Oh so much sorrow / So much love to give
We’ll face the winds / And break the strongest of trees / Beckon for the sweet, soft, summer breeze

My favorite in the album is Colors. I read that it was used in one of House’s episodes in season two so you guessed it right, I looked for it! It was used at the end of Hunting (Stacy aka House’s true love (?)/ the one who got away (?) was still there, and he decided to keep Steve McQueen the rat as his pet). Cool.

My favorite lines among all songs there would go to Seen It All Before. I didn’t like its melody that much but I liked the following:

Go ahead baby / Run away again / Growing tired of chasing you

I can hear my heart pounding / Oh but I can’t decide
Stuck between the depths of my fears / And peaks of my pride

If you think it’s totally gone because I have not blogged about it, you’re wrong.  I simply chose to be silent about it because it’s the adult thing to do and it’s slowly ebbing down anyway.